Donald and Melania Trump: Domestic Violence in the White House

Is It A Gilded Cage of Abuse?

Melania and Donald Trump.
Melania and Donald Trump. | Getty

#FreeMelania was a phrase one of my best friends tossed out while she and I were talking about Melania Trump’s seeming lack of personality. To our surprise, the hashtag was already trending on social media. The memes started as the Inauguration pictures seemed to capture the inner workings of a loveless marriage of convenience. Or did we all get an up close and personal look at an emotional abuser on the world stage? The hashtag #FreeMelania appeared to have started as a joke but morphed into a telling picture of what the true nature of the Trumps’ marriage may be like behind closed doors.

Lots of people seemed to notice that there looms a sense that something is deeply and disturbingly wrong within the new First Couple’s relationship as people took to social media with snapshots of what appears to be Donald Trump being very short, dismissive, and his downright hateful attitude toward Melania. It made me wonder if her flatness is the result of severe depression and hopelessness.

Photo Credit: @merrillmarkoe

Some won’t be able to find it in their hearts to feel sorry for the new FLOTUS because they assume she married Donald Trump for a green card and/or his money. But in response to the question “Would you be with Donald Trump if he had no money?”, Melania is said to have replied, “Would he have married me if I weren’t beautiful?” I can not find the quote but it brings up a great point; marriages of convenience are two-way streets and the basis for marriages since the beginning of time. Our feminism and demand for equal rights must reach beyond the divisiveness of politics and no matter her reasons for marrying him it would not justify abuse.

And abuse allegations have followed Donald Trump for decades. Harry Hurt, III wrote about it in his book, The Lost Tycoon: The Many Lives of Donald J. Trump, back in the early 90s. Donald Trump was accused of rape by his former wife Ivana Trump, who later revised her claim and stated she felt “violated”. His actions were defended based on the idea that rape couldn’t happen within a marriage. Most recently, near the end of the presidential campaign, a tape surfaced where Trump himself explicitly described how he would sexually assault women; bragging that women “let” him do anything because of his wealth. A rape case against him resurfaced but was dropped right before the election. The plaintiff, referred to as Jane Doe, stated that Donald Trump and Jeffery Epstein raped her when she was a teenager. The case was dropped when the plaintiff’s lawyer reported that the woman had received threats and was too frightened to show up.

It was reported in May of 2016 that 95% of Domestic Violence victims are women, so it is no wonder that during the debates, women were mainly the ones who noticed how Donald Trump seemed to stalk democratic nominee Hillary Clinton. We have to notice and stay aware for survival.

Research supports that abusers tend to have the type of personality that Donald Trump has consistently displayed in his speeches and twitter posts. The larger than life ego with a need for constant validation, the disparaging comments about women in general, a total disregard for the truth, leaning instead on “Alternative Facts” and gaslighting the whole country. Why should we believe he behaves any differently at home?

You can tell a lot about a person by the company they keep and when we look at the cast of characters Trump is appointing to his administration we find that there is a common theme among them, a history of violence toward women. Recently appointed Chief Strategist, Steven Bannon’s Breitbart has a history of posting revolting, sexist articles slamming women and feminism. Individually, these things are distasteful and frustrating: Trump sexualizing his own daughter, told as a joke, his attacks on Megyn Kelly, and Alicia Machado, Former Miss Universe and first after Trump took over the pageant. When you put it all together it’s a terrifying look at what has infiltrated the most important home in America.

Melania may not realize that she is at her most powerful and most vulnerable moment as First Lady of the United States. Only she can make the move to get help if she indeed needs it.

“If the abusive man is not willing to seek help, then you must take action by protecting yourself and any children involved by leaving”

While her life is under more scrutiny and behind more barriers than ever before, she also has access to the world.

Melania, if you need help, please blink twice.

Written by Pamela Getz

Writer and Activist. Follow Pamela on Twitter @goddesspamela.

Pamela Getz is Editor of International Affairs for Progressive Army and a member of its Editorial Board.


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  1. I would suggest you read up on sociopathic narcissists. Then you will understand that they cannot be treated or “cured.” Sam Vaknin is a good place to start.

    • IF he wanted help (he’d have to admit his faults and work past them) he could change. I agree with your diagnosis of his personality disorder. While 1% of abusers actually change, to say they cannot be treated is not fair. IF he wanted to stop this behavior, he could. As with anything, you have to want the change.

  2. An allegation of spousal abuse is extremely difficult to prove if the abused does not want to come forward. The sad thing is that if Melania is being abused (and certainly her photos do not show a very happy woman), she has it in her power to bring down this president and save the country from a despot who believes himself to be above the law, but also above the rights provided to all of us in the U.S. Constitution. I hope Melania has the smarts to record every bit of his abusiveness before she attempts to bring charges against him and then get assistance into the witness protection program.

  3. It’s interesting (or telling!) that one of the few times that Melania said something – only when prompted, of course – that involved bullying. I think the question was what she might make her mission as First Lady. She said cyber bullying was something she feels needs to be addressed. For which she was of course immediately slammed/derided because, as someone commented somewhere, she has no farther to look for a perpetrator than the pillow next to her.

  4. Typical YANKS, it is absolutely impossible for you people to mind your own freakin Business. That is why so many people of this World Hate you with a passion. You are Blood Sucking, War-mongering, Child Killing Leeches. Why don’t you all get a life!

    • Poetic Justice,
      I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that you assume any criticism of Trump is an endorsement of Hillary. All I can say to that is you should read more of our articles.
      Have a good one.

        • What part do you find to be false? I’m happy to print a correction if you have reliable information that anything I’ve cited is incorrect.
          This article isn’t about Bill Clinton in any shape, form, or fashion.
          I appreciate your concern but I have a really full and happy life.

          • Nothing but speculation, no facts involved, nothing for you to retract. I see a woman who rather not be involved in the swamp of politics.

    • As a domestic violence survivior with severe PTSD I will tell you this. People minding their own buisness is why abuse flourishes and has for centuries…! If it wasnt for outside people telling me that what was happening to me was wrong, I would be dead.
      Mind manipulation is A VERY POWERFUL THING. That is why it is used against prisoners of war.
      So, people, keep talking about it. The louder the better. Keep repeating it too. We need to hear it 10-20 or more times.
      Abusers put us in a mental FOG where we cant think straight. But you can get through.
      Poetic Justice, SHAME ON YOU.

  5. Whilst it is a truism that NO ONE really KNOWS what is going on in a given marriage save the husband and wife in question( as was said of the Clintons), at the very least Melania Trump does NOT seem very comfortable in hubby Donald’s company. British feminist commentator Laurie Penny in her New Statesman column makes the point that Melania’s rictus smile that never seems to reach her eyes and her reported concern about cyberbullying amount to a coded call for help(just like the alleged note in the gift she was carrying for the Obamas that read “HELP” according to wags) may be just that. Penny(no doubt referring to The Donald’s wealth and now as US President power) makes the point that as many a Saudi Prince’s wife can attest- a gilded cage is a cage, no matter how sumptuous it may seem to an outsider( pace wags’ reference to her and son Barron as the hostage of Trump Tower). Incidentally the one Trump I am MOST concerned about is Barron- his mother is at least an adult!

  6. Domestic violence is a killer in the US people do not realize how serious spiritual, emotional and physical and mental abuse is.
    Men and women can get in the lie or way of the plan of the abuser at any given time and all it takes is one very high paid politician to believe that serious of lies grouped together with a family and teachers or friends. Neighbors more then often side with the abuser. This is the most silent and deadly form of abuse.
    It is done more then we could understand. A friend. Family member or spouse who lacks ability to be healthy without the victim. Is willing to kill to stay well, rich or connected. To hide fraud and plagiarism as well at prejudice to stay skinny or beautiful.
    Domestic Violence starts WARS and kills everyday.

  7. Not to mention more then likely the abuser is usually hidden behind the accused and takes years to find. I am a victim of DomesyVience 14 years of silent Fraud and abuse and I blamed everyone but the Man who has. been killing me and my family’s order. This is a deadly game.

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Melania and Donald Trump.

Donald and Melania Trump: Domestic Violence in the White House